The Magical Draw of Freebies

You know how when you go to a bank or some other establishment and they have a little table of freebies?  Things like ink pens, candy or magnets?  You take a one or maybe two and you go about your merry way with whatever trinket you happened to have helped yourself too.  It's all well and good, and I am totally ok with this practice.  Although, there are times that it just gets on my nerves.  We do the same thing at our office.  We offer such whosits and whatsits as road atlases, ink pens, and calendars.  For you nerds out there, in the insurance world, this practice is regulated by law.  Legally, you are not allowed to give away anything that is valued at more than $15.  If you do, it is called "rebating".  This prevents any company from buying your business.  This is why whatever we are giving out is generally lame and cheap!  This is important to note as I am pulling out my soap box and am going to stand directly on top of it.  You ready?  Here goes...

THE THINGS WE ARE GIVING OUT ARE NEARLY WORTHLESS AND ARE NOT WORTH YOU GETTING ALL WORKED UP ABOUT!!!

Ok.  I feel better.  Allow me to explain.  Around this time of year we give away the ever coveted, wall calendars.  For some odd reason, people go nuts over wall calendars!!!  It's almost as if no one owns a portable device that has a usable calendar already in it!!  I digress.  We have several varieties featuring, rivers, pets, golf courses, and African Americans.  You heard me right.  There are several ethnically diverse calendars that feature people groups of certain demographics engaging in everyday activities like hopscotch and picnics.  There are several varieties such as Asian, Hispanic, African American.... it goes on and on.  To each his own.  Point is, we have a wide variety and people love them.  They are also greedy.  We cannot keep them all out on a table as people will help themselves to giant stacks of them.  As if you need that many?  And as if they are completely free to us in the first place!  I'm pretty sure people grab a bunch and give them away as Christmas presents.  As if people won't be suspicious of your cheapness as they see your present with the State Farm emblem all over it.

We also cannot give people a choice because it usually goes like this.

Me- "Would you like a calendar with puppies or with national parks?"
Customer- "one of each!!!"

It never fails!  Every time, they will take one of each!  And if you really want to see the ugly side of people, just tell them you are out of Calendars.  It's almost as if you are personally offending them by not having their Calendar!  The conversation today that is spurning this rant went something like this.

Lady- "Do you have any calendars?"
Me- "Let me check the back and see what we have"  "Looks like the only thing I have left is the golf course one".
Lady- (with a disgusted look on her face, she thrusts the calendar back at me) "I HATE golf".
Me- "Oh... well sorry.  We have more on order, they just haven't arrived yet"  " I do have this African American Heritage calendar if you like"  (She was not impressed)

She just gave me a death stare and left the building.  I assured her that she could stop back in a week or so and we might have a new shipment in.  I'm not sure if she will be coming back.

Then there is our habitual favorite, Paul.  Paul does not have any insurance with our agency, but you can be sure that every year around this time, he will make an appearance.  He will come in and ask for a quote on something really obscure like IRA's or health insurance and then after he has wasted 30 minutes of your time he says that he is going to think about it.  He ends with "by the way... do you guys have any calendars".  It's so exasperating because you know he is just wasting your time to get something free.  I think I am more annoyed that he thinks he is fooling us.  I mean, it is literally EVERY year!  This is my 6th Christmas season at this office and he has yet to miss a year!  Last year my conversation went like this.  I totally thought I was going to out smart him.

Me- "Hi Paul.  I don't really have time right now, I'm pretty busy, but can I just get you your calendar?"
Paul- "That would be great, but I still want a quote on car insurance"
Me- "You sure I can't just grab you a calendar".
Paul- (looking nervous) "no I need a quote too".
Me- (So I whip out the fastest auto quote you have ever seen).  "here you go"
Paul- "OK, thanks.  I'm going to think about it".

AHHHHHH!!!!!!  Well this year I know that he has a policy with another agent in town so when he comes in, I'm totally sending him to their office!  You're not getting one of my calendars this year Paul!!! Do you hear me!

So I ask you.  What is the elusive power of the Calendar?  Is it the pretty pictures?  Or is it just the allure that you are getting something free from your insurance company?  Is it a way to get back at them for taking your premium?  I just don't get it, I suppose.  You are going to have to offer me something a lot better than a calendar to get me excited.  However it would probably have to be of great value which as we learned earlier, would be rebating and is illegal.  Way to pay attention kids.  Class dismissed.